God Bless American Awesomeness

We Love Guns

We Americans are totally awesome because we love guns. We have no idea that other citizens of the world live without guns or shooting in their places of work, schools and recreational areas. While wimpy Europeans don’t carry guns because they think they might kill people, we know better. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people, so it makes it like, totally awesome and safe to carry guns with us for protection.


Every American learns from a very early age never to be late for the school bus and always have our school bag checklist every morning which looks like this:

1. Lunch box

2. Pens, pencils

3. School Books

4. Gun

5. ipad, iphone

Its our social and constitutional duty in the best country in the world to bring guns to school. Even if we don’t use them, our need to bare arms is just as critical now as it was when our forefathers were forging the frontiers of colonial settlement.



We Americans love to work, we live to work. Its not that our healthcare is so expensive or that it takes us 10 years to pay back student loans, its not he money, we just love it. And with all things in life, what goes up must come down; We sometimes get laid-off. But, every cloud has a silver lining and the awesome thing about being fired in America? You can always practice acceptance, maturity and dignity by going postal.

If you’re not familiar with this workplace jargon, ‘going postal’ is defined in the urban dictionary as:  “Basicly,(sic) “going postal” is pulling a uzi, assault rifle or most any other firearm out from under your jacket and going nuts. That is, wasting anyone and anything you see, and then probably yourself.”




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This entry was posted on September 3, 2012 by and tagged , , , , .
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